About Edward

It's All Good

Something Missing

Do you ever feel unfulfilled… even when life is “going great?”

Looking in on my life from the outside you would see a journey that seems to go from good to better to amazing. But on the inside, no matter how great my life was going, there was always something missing… an emptiness that nothing “out there” could fill. And wherever I went a “wrongness” weighed me down, as if I was always in the wrong place all the time.

That wrongness was a constant hum in the background of my awareness, though for much of my life it was hidden in the background. Actually it was with me from the moment my birth mother gave me up for adoption… and if you believe that we have the capacity to remember experiences from before our birth (which I do) the feeling of being unwanted began even before that.

But when I moved to California in the mid-90s and dove headfirst into the world of personal and spiritual growth that background hum of wrongness suddenly took center stage. And it seemed the more “healing” work I did, the louder that hum became.

It came fully into focus during my time working for the Shift Network. In case you don’t know them, the Shift Network is one of the world’s largest transformational organizations reaching, teaching and transforming the lives of millions of people all around the world.

For more than 2 years I directed their Telesummits. On a daily basis I was planning the online conferences that offered powerful free content to hundreds of thousands of people all around the world. In the course of producing these telesummits I connected with and interviewed the world’s top transformational leaders including Marianne Williamson, Marci Shimoff, Bruce Lipton, Neale Donald Walsch and many, many more.

It was amazing being one of the key leaders on a team of brilliant people all sharing a beautiful vision and the intention to help co-create a sustainable, peaceful, healthy and prosperous world.

There was so much goodness there! So much inspiration. So much aliveness. I loved being part of the team that was serving the world in such a big way. And I really did want to grow with The Shift Network as it grew and expanded its positive impact on the world.

I wanted it to work… and really did try to make it work! But there it was again… that background hum of wrongness. And no matter how good it looked… No matter how good it should have felt… the guidance kept getting clearer that I didn’t belong there.

Spirit was calling me onwards.

SPIRIT CALLING

INSURANCE ZOMBIES

Spirit Calling - Edward Mills

I resisted leaving the Shift Network as long as I could. But one morning in meditation Spirit flashed a memory of a terrifying vision I had many years before. At the time I was working at an insurance company in Boston. One morning, as I stepped off the elevator, still shivering from the sub-zero Winter temperature there was a “glitch” in my perception and all the other people looked like “Insurance Zombies.” It was like I was seeing past their appearance and seeing something deeper. Their faces were white. Eyes dead with black circles underneath. Shoulders slumped over.

That vision was the catalyst it took for me to leave that company after more than 5 years. And it led me to California and the conscious journey of awakening I’ve been on ever since. I can’t even begin to imagine what my life would look like if I had stayed at that company. I shudder to think that I might have turned into one of those Insurance Zombies!

Spirit brought up that memory as a reminder to trust the guidance that was telling me it was time to move on. No matter how good it looked being at the Shift Network, Spirit was clearly letting me know it was not where I was meant to be. Staying there would ultimately lead to the same outcome… except I would have become a “Shift Zombie!” A little better, perhaps, but still not what I want to be when I grow up!

Even as I left I was filled with doubt and questions: Could I really trust Spirit? Was this guidance “true” or was I just making things up? Was there something “better” out there or was I just running away from this goodness because I didn’t feel I deserved it?

So with these and other unanswered questions echoing in my mind and sadness swirling around my heart, I left the Shift Network.

THE ABUNDANT MYSTIC REDUX

BRIDGING SPIRITUALITY AND PROSPERITY

Abundant Mystic Hawaii Retreat

I still didn’t know WHAT Spirit was calling me to do. I didn’t have a clear vision of where it wanted me to go. So without knowing what else to do, I returned to my previous work and restarted the Abundant Mystic.

Before joining the Shift Network I had mentored, coached and taught Modern Day Mystics how to bridge the chasm between Spirituality and Prosperity.

During the years that I ran the Abundant Mystic it often felt like I was “teaching what I needed to learn” rather than teaching what I was living. The Mystic/Spiritual piece was easy for me. That came naturally! The Abundance/Prosperity piece, however, had remained a challenge.

Returning to the Abundant Mystic I discovered an unanticipated benefit of my time at The Shift Network: Having a steady consistent income stream (and being able to easily pay my bills on time!) had shored up my sometimes shaky connection with abundance. With my newfound embodied experience of financial stability, The Abundant Mystic now flourished.

The deep personal connections I had made with so many thought leaders also helped and the Abundant Mystic telesummits were extremely successful. The programs and courses I offered filled up. And I manifested a decades long dream of leading retreats in Hawaii… bringing groups of Abundant Mystics to the Big Island to swim with the Dolphins and do deep transformational work!

Working for myself again also opened up more time to deepen my connection with my daughter… at a time in her life when having the presence of a grounded father was so important.

And for the first time since being divorced I found the time and space and the right person for a deeply satistfying love relationship.

Life was so good!

For a few years!

Then slowly but consistently the familiar feeling that something was missing began to sneak in. The sense that, even though I was serving and helping tens of thousands of people and using my gifts to contribute to a positive change in the world…  this wasn’t “it.”

Once again I started getting subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) intuitions that Spirit was calling me into something else… something more.

And, again, I resisted that call.

How could there be anything more important than helping Modern Day Mystics bridge the chasm between spirituality and prosperity?

After all, these are the people who hold the key to ensuring the survival of this beautiful Earth. These are the people who have the potential to awaken the world to new possibilities. These are the people who will help discover the creative solutions that will allow our world to actually thrive. These are the ones we’ve been waiting for!

How could I leave them?

There was no immediate answer. Again, Spirit seemed to be telling me, “This isn’t it” without telling me what “IT” was!

THE INVITATION

FINDING MY VOICE

Finding Your Voice

Then, an invitation came that showed me the next step.

I’ve never been a big birthday party person. Instead of having parties I’ve done solo Vision Quests in the High Sierra, hiked down into the Grand Canyon, gone on silent retreats… and for my next birthday I would be at a 10-day intensive retreat. It would be a small group of the more advanced practitioners in the meditation community I had been part of since 2011.

A few days before the retreat, Ali, the main facilitator of the group, asked what I would like for my birthday. This surprised me for a few reasons. As my teacher, Ali always felt a bit reserved and I’d never received a personal email from her before this. And while she had organized group birthday funds for the assistant facilitators this was the first time I had seen her organizing a fund for one of the group members. I felt both “seen” and self-conscious about the invitation and attention.

But whatever I personally felt about the invitation, the answer from Spirit came immediately and totally surprised me. Even before I finished reading the email I saw and felt this birthday gift being the seed money to record the song Walk In Beauty.

And that answer terrified me!

Music had always been part of my life: A loving presence that could soothe and calm me when life seemed confusing or overwhelming. As a child, one of the only things that consistently lifted me out of the fog of dysfunction that filled our home was playing guitar in my room. When I played the guitar and sang I forgot myself and the “reality” of my life for a while. The feeling of “wrongness” dissolved and I connected with something more than me. I could feel and sense there actually was something beyond the suffering and pain that felt so much a part of me.

When I moved to California, I got “serious” about music. I wrote a lot of songs and performed. And I started recording an album, excited at the possibility of becoming a “professional” musician.

But back then I didn’t have the self awareness or tools to effectively confront the inner demons I would meet on that path. I quickly discovered that choosing to move towards your essential nature activates powerful forces. These forces are available to support you… but they also first seem to challenge and test you.

I wasn’t prepared for that test. And without the tools needed I could not get past those guardian forces. So the guitar went into the closet, the recordings were left unfinished and I did my best to forget about the sense of transcendence, joy and love I felt when I allowed music to flow through me.

The guitar stayed in the closet for many years… until my time in the meditation community began to slowly rekindle my connection with music! Music was such a big part of the community and I was surrounded by amazing musicians, bathed in and nurtured by their incredible magic!

During my time sitting in circle with the group and almost against my will, a beautiful reconnection with music had blossomed. And tentatively at first, I began bringing my guitar to our weekend retreats, usually leaving it in the case the entire time. Sometimes I would dare to take it out and play quietly outside by myself. Driving home from the weekends songs started spontaneously singing themselves through me. Slowly, I began feeling bolder and more open to sharing the music that was flowing through me again.

Walk In Beauty was the first song I shared with the group during our “official” musical sharing time. I was literally shaking the first time I played it. My inner critic was running wild… as it provided me with excruciatingly specific details of all my mistakes and all the ways my shaking voice and muffed chord fingerings were horrible compared to the effortless beauty that came through the “real” musicians in the group.

Somehow I made it through that first, shaky rendition of Walk In Beauty. But I’d be lying if I said it was an instant “hit.” It wasn’t.

LET IT FLOW

MAKE ME YOUR INSTRUMENT

Make me your instrument

But I continued to practice and to offer songs in the circle. And one weekend, something shifted. Perhaps because I had practiced the song enough… or maybe because I had played in the circle enough… or maybe I was just “done” with letting that inner critic get in the way of the beauty that wanted to come through me. Whatever it was, something opened in me that weekend.

It felt like all the Beauty in the world was pouring through me as I sang and I had embodied the prayer to become “An Instrument.” The essence of beauty, moved through me and seemed to flow into the hearts and minds and bodies of the people in that circle.

Apparently others in the group felt it as well because the response was so different. In fact, a couple of the group faciltators asked me what that song was, which was strange because they had heard me play that song before!

After that weekend, Walk In Beauty actually did become one of the “favorites” in our group. Every time I was there, I would sing it. People created amazingly beautiful harmonies for it. The song had taken on a life of its own. I began to really understand what it meant to “be an instrument.”

Walk In Beauty was not MY song… I was just the one who had been chosen to give birth to it.

Soon, people started asking for a recording. I had no plans to record the song. If anything I thought I would just sit down and record it on my phone to give to people when they asked.

So when Ali reached out with her invitation I was totally surprised when Spirit instantly guided me to ask for money to record the song.

ANSWERING THE CALL

WALK IN BEAUTY BEGINS

Walk in beauty begins

Spirit’s answer was instant, but my response to Ali was definitely NOT!

It took me a few days to sit with it… To question it… To sit in the stew of self doubt for a while.

It’s amazing how many reasons why I should NOT record the song came up! And that old friend, the inner critic was right there trying to “talk some sense” into me. “You’re not good enough to record this song. You’re not a real musician.” And of course there were the very practical pieces. Where are you going to find the time to go into the studio? You don’t have any idea how to record a song. And do you have any idea how much it costs to rent studio time?

Those inner doubts had me seriously considering asking for something more mundane like a frame drum or kalimba. But I could feel the truth in the guidance. I could feel the rightness in the music that was seeking to be birthed through me. I could sense this was the next level of my Essence seeking expression in the world. So I took a deep breath, connected with my courage and answered Spirit’s call by asking for that recording seed money.

My plan was to go into the studio for a day or two and record the song Walk In Beauty. It turns out that Spirit had a little bit more in mind for me! That “day or two” in the studio turned into a two year project to create the Walk In Beauty album with 11 original songs!

THE BREATH OF CREATION

FINDING WHOLENESS

The Breath of Creation

Throughout that two-year process I had the opportunity to move through many moments of fear, doubt and resistance. I came up against my inner demons over and over again. The urge to quit was overwhelming at times. But unlike that earlier aborted recording project… this time I had powerful tools and spiritual technologies on my side.

When I felt fear, doubt or overwhelm sneaking in I knew to call on the Breath of Creation! This Spiritual Technology had revealed itself to me a few years before but it was during this recording project that the Breath of Creation was really “tested by fire!” I used the tools and techniques and awareness practices on an almost daily basis. They became my lifeline when I felt lost in the darkness of self-doubt.

Without The Breath of Creation tools Walk In Beauty never would have been completed. The inner demons would have forced me to give up. But these tools enabled me to keep going all the way to the “finish line!”

And through that process of completing the Walk In Beauty album (with the help of the Breath of Creation) I discovered a sense of wholeness that had eluded me throughout my life. The more I learned to trust in the creative process, even when my inner critic was raging, the more whole and complete I felt.

For the first time in my life there were long moments when that background hum of wrongness was gone!

For the first time in my life there were long moments when I felt like I actually belonged… right where I was!

For the first time in my life there were long moments of deep peace and profound joy!

For the first time in my life there were long moments when I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was on purpose and aligned with Spirit’s Calling!

And in those long moments I discovered a deep calling to share, not just the music that I feel so blessed to have coming through me, but also the Spiritual Technologies, insights and awareness I have learned and used and refined on my journey.

DIVINE CREATORS

SOLVING THE UNSOLVABLE

Divine Creators

We are living in an interesting time. Our world is facing some difficult challenges right now. Many of our problems appear to have no solution. And many of us who are conscious and sensitive to the energies around us are confused and uncertain about what to do and how to serve.

The Breath of Creation has shown me that the only way through these challenges is by cultivating our individual and collective connection to Divine Creativity.

Learning to become instruments for the force of Divine Creation is the way we will solve the unsolvable problems in our own lives… and in the world.

Einstein famously told us that we cannot solve our problems at the same level from which we created them. In fact, we can’t even see or imagine the possibility that there could BE a solution when we remain in the level at which we created our problems. That’s why when we remain at the same level as our problems we can easily get overwhelmed by paralysis, depression, addiction and fear.

Spirit called me to experience for myself the power of shifting to a new level in order to move through problems and challenges. In the process I was called to learn, develop and refine the tools and technologies I needed to consistently bring me into a different level of awareness.

Spirit is now calling me to support other Creative Leaders seeking to experience this place of Creative Essence and Expression… and to discover the solutions to our unsolvable problems and challenges.

Spirit works in mysterious ways. When you follow the call of Spirit the path is never a straight line. But it always leads deeper into essence… expands out into more refined expressions of creativity… and opens the door to new and surprising ways to be of service.

I am learning (slowly but surely) that Spirit does have a plan… that is far bigger than anything I could have planned for myself. And I am learning (slowly but surely) to fully trust in and follow Spirit’s guidance as best as I possibly can.

I trust also that you have followed Spirit’s guidance to be here. I trust that you are ready to open to and engage at a new level of creativity and service and leadership in the world. I trust that you are ready to be a conduit through which Spirit can offer us all a solution to one (or more) of our “unsolvable” problems.

And It would be an honor and blessing to support you as you move to that next level.

Use the contact form to connect with me to find our more about private mentoring. Or explore the website for more ways to connect!

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Copyright Edward Mills © 2018